Secret Romance

Well, I finally did it. I moved out of my mother's home. My fiance and I talked to our preacher who agreed to marry us with a private ceremony. A few of our very close relatives showed up to be our witnesses and we were married yesterday. We just don't want too many people to know because we still want a beautiful wedding next summer as we were originally planning to do. It was kinda romantic. Only a few of our family members know (his parents and mine, his sister and her husband and kids, my brother, my grandparents, and my uncle and aunts) they have been told to keep it kinda quiet.
Last night, we made love for the first time. It was just wonderful. Life is so surreal right now. I mean, forever started for me yesterday. I will never have to leave his house late at night to go back to my house to bed for the night. Now we have all the time in the world to spend adoring one another. I feel the stress and tension in my body ebbing away now that I do not have to stay in chaos that is within my previous home. Even though that was the home I grew up in since I was 2, I do not miss it. I have moved on, and I can honestly say that life is good.

Rhythm of Nature

Don't you just love the sound of gently thudding horse hooves beneath you? And the thrill of the wind in your face as the beautiful creature lopes you back and forth is just breath taking. In the saddle, I hardly feel the speed of my horse, but I do feel the power, the energy, and the strength rippling within the muscles. It is easy to tell when you are riding a very good horse. When he lopes, you should feel as if you are one with him. There should be little to no bumping around, just easy rocking back and forth almost as if you are underwater. He pulls forward with little effort and stops just as easily when you ask him to. He does not scare easy, but he will keep you out of danger. The experience is similar to hearing your favorite song on the radio.

Rhythm of Nature

The horse moves like music,
sometimes fast, sometimes slow,
but he keeps a rhythm
and never misses a beat.
Sometimes he sings
but usually he plays
a rhythmic little tune
by the hooves on his feet.
A galloping pace,
and the wind on his face,
a song in his heart
as he runs a great race.
It's the rhythm of nature
only few can hear
in order to witness this
beauty without lyric.
One must listen quietly
and then you shall hear it.

Written by (me) Brandi Copeland on May 6th 2008

Fairy Tale Dreams

I'm flipping through a bridal magazine looking at the beautiful gowns and picturing myself in them walking down the aisle. I just can't wait until the big day. I am more than exited. You know, if I didn't know that my wedding day would be here soon, I think I would seriously go insane. I haven't even been able to see the one that I love for a week because I have had exams all week and then having to work every evening. Now, I know, that sounds kinda whiny. There are people who go a much longer time without seeing their significant other. But I do miss him very much.
Anyway, I think I have found two dresses at David's Bridal on the internet that I want to go to the store and try on. I looked through the Disney princess inspired line and did not really find anything to my liking. There were a few that were very pretty, but they just looked like white prom dresses. I want a dress that just says "Here I am, the virgin bride." This will be my first wedding, my only wedding. That means I will have only one wedding dress and wear it only once. I want my groom to be shocked and awed by the gown. But regardless of the gown, I just want the whole day to a spectacular "kickoff" to a wonderful life ahead, however long this life may last.

Ugly Girly Truth

Since my first memories as a child I can always remember to have liked being a girl. Let's face it, boys, they just stank, they were rude, dumb, and worst of all...cooties...ewww! Well the boys grew up, and they haven't changed much except some of them are much more appealing to the eyes. But us girls, we might throw a fit once in a while, but we tried to stay well groomed, smarter than the boys, and cootie free (unless we touched one of those stinky boys).

Even now though, I really like who I am. I am happy with my femininity, my less than perfect body, and my girly personality.But sometimes, I am not so happy with some of the quirks about being a girl, like the whole shebang package called a menstrual cycle. I went and scheduled my first exam for next week. Yes, call me a whiner, but I have been putting it off because it is not an experience I am looking forward to. But I have been so irregular for the past year and a half that I can't hardly predict a time frame for my cycles to occur. It is affecting my lifestyle and that means that it is not healthy mentally or physically. I have other signs other than irregularity that point to a hormone imbalance. Getting an exam is just one of those ugly girly things. Completely humiliating, but I guess it is necessary. Whatev. Being a girl is normally pretty awesome. But at times like these, it sucks big time. (This is why guys have no right to "change" their sex to female, they have not earned that right like us true girls have.)

What in the World?

Gay prom, GAY PROM? What the heck are the people at this university thinking? Good grief! I know what I will do, I'll throw a straight prom and create an ivory society. Yeah, that will show those idiots a thing or to about racism and sexual orientation equality. Why do we need groups that exclude disqualifying people.

Now this is my blog and I can say what I want and I think being gay is wrong anyway. But at the same time I have had many friendly acquaintances who were gay and they knew how I felt about their lifestyle. I hate it when people smoke, but many of my family members smoke and I still love them. Being gay is kinda like smoking, it does not make you any less of a person, but it is still disgusting most especially in public.
But that is enough about gays.

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This world is driving itself down a path of destruction. If you don't think this is true, pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV. Gas prices are soaring, food prices are starting to rise and not just in America. Everyday there are thousands of people who die of starvation, and now some of the simplest and least expensive foods are growing in price. The world has also experienced more frequent disasters (both natural and man made) within the past 30 years than ever before. But if you pick up the Bible and read some of the last few books, this stuff is written right there.
I have only told one person this, I have a dreadful uneasiness in my mind that the anti-christ may indeed be among us this day. These past few years I figured it would not be completely surprising if the man came from America. But, the Bible alludes to the fact that he will be of a different nationality. But there will be many pawns in his game. The reason I think that AC or one of his pawns will be American is because we are the most diverse "free" country in the world, and I think the US would be a hard country to tame and bring under one rule. The thing is, there is a certain man rising to power here in the US seems like a close fit to the description of the AC or someone who would associate with such a person. He is an American by birth but nobody seems to know his true nationality and heritage, and he is an advocate of peace, unity, and harmony. Who does this sound like? I wont name names, because my speculations may be completely wrong, and I am willing to accept that.
Either way, time is running short. The Christians of this age need to redouble our efforts; we must save as many people as we can from what is to come. Well, we don't actually do the saving, we just show the way by leading people to Jesus; Jesus saves. Anyone who refuses will not be harmed by the Lord himself, he wont even argue, but those people will be left behind to face the tribulation, in which the early beginnings have already begun. Like I said, we are running out of time.
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If you are interested in learning from someone who has really done his homework about this stuff, I would suggest reading or listening to Billy Grahm. He has a personal website you can go to I believe. Also, the two men who wrote the Left Behind series have written books about the studies of prophecy and the times to come. Google Tim Lahaye or Jerry B. Jenkins to find out more.

Templates of Poetry

I honestly do not know if I have any readers or not. I certainly never get any comments. That's fine. I can talk to myself. But I like to speak as if I am talking to someone out there just in case I do have a reader. So here's to my reader or just to myself, either one.

I have been thinking about changing my template on this blog to something a little more colorful. But I certainly do not want it to look like a myspace page with images and colors running wild all over the page. So I finally came to the conclusion that it would be better if I just left it plain and let my words add the color to the page. It may be brighter in some places and darker in others. I want to show my colors through my writing rather than diluting my page with wild clip art and neon colors, that would distract from what I want to say.

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Today, like any other day, I am dreaming about that wedding which is only about 413 days from now (yes, I keep track). My mother and I are getting ready to launch some hard core wedding planning within the next couple of months. This is the exciting part. The "sit here and wait" time is coming to an end and the planning can begin. It is good that I have a job now and can contribute to making this a beautiful wedding. I want my love and I to remember it always and for our children to know just how much we have loved each other. I wish I knew what my mother and father were like before I was born. Now that they have been separated and remarried, I guess I will never know. But my fiance and I will never have to do that to our children. We will be able to show them and to talk about our love for each other.
I just can't wait to start my life with him. We make a great team and I know that we will be happy together for the rest of our lives.

Boleyn Hot

I recently finished the book "The Other Boleyn Girl". I spent only one week to read the entire thing. This book irritated me because it was so well written that I could not put it down. Actually, I liked it, I liked it a LOT. I learned a thing or two about life and love. I think I am also developing some new inspiration for the book I have been writing off and on since high school. I do not plan on actually putting this book together until after I am married, but that day is coming up close so I need to prepare for it anyway. But first, I want to discuss what I have learned from this book.

The story takes place in England under the rule of Henry the 8th. Queen Kathrine was unable to bear a son for Henry. She gave birth to one daughter, Princess Mary, and the rest of her children were either miscarriages or stillborn. Henry began to loose faith and interest in his wife because he so desired a male heir to the throne of England. And so, the king took an interest to Mary Boleyn, only fourteen years old and a maid in the queen's court. Mary's greedy, ambitious family forced her to let the king bed with her in hope that she would bear him a bastard son which would elevate the status of the Boleyn family and possibly put Mary's boy on the throne. At the time, Mary was already married at twelve years old to another man named William Carey. But Mary's family made William stand aside while the king bedded his wife.
Mary, scared to death at what she was being forced to do by her family went reluctantly into the king's chamber and bedded with him.

I just can't imagine what Mary was feeling. To her family, she was nothing more than a card played in a gamble to win a higher status. They did not care about her virtue, her feelings, or even the fact that she was already married to the man they had previously selected for her. Now here she was at fourteen and forced to be a mistress. Not just any mistress, the King of England!

The king called Mary into his chambers for many nights, she was considered his favorite and he gave her many expensive gifts. Mary began to fall in love with the king. She became pregnant and gave birth to her first child, whom she named Cathrine after the queen. A year later, she was pregnant again. Anne Boleyn, who was very jealous of her sister decided she wanted a piece of the king herself and began to seduce him while Mary was pregnant and unable to "please" him. Mary gave birth to a son, and he was named Henry after his father. The king was pleased with the boy, but only temporarily. He had mostly forgotten about Mary and instead looked to her sister Anne.

How heart wrenching! Mary was beginning to fall in love with King Henry. Everything looked as if it was all going to work out, especially if her child turned out to be a boy (and it was). But her jealous sister, Anne charmed the king and took his attention off of Mary, who was obviously no longer the king's favorite.

Now I am not about to give away the entire story, I would definitely suggest you read it for yourself. I would not suggest this book for anyone under 18 for some sexual content though. I wouldn't say it was really graphic, but awfully suggestive, you get the idea in a hurry.

Animal Instincts

My fiance and I just went to camp this weekend. I was out with the horses at the ranch while he was at the main camp in the archery area. We had a great time, didn't get to see much of each other over the weekend, but it was nice to break routing and spend that weekend at camp.

I started my first day of work at Petsmart on Monday. I am here to tell you that it was not easy, but I did not hate it either. I think I will do alright there. I have already learned so much. The young women I work with seem really nice, a little rough around the edges, but friendly nonetheless. Sadly I have been a little depressed ever since I started working there because I have not been able to see my man for more than a few minutes these past few days. Also I wasn't quite recovered from my camp exhaustion before I started work that first day and got up early Monday morning, went to school, came home and changed, went to work, came home late, took a shower, went to bed. The whole process starts over the next day. I am tired, and I have not even gotten a full hour out of one day to just sit and relax a while. Thank goodness today was my day off. I am not sure I could have made it much longer without a little break. The thing is, too, I am no longer working just to help pay for my wedding, but now that the gas prices have risen so high, I need to work just to be able to make it to the university and back every day.
I am just so tired, which is really the only word I can think of to describe how I feel, tired and a little sad at not being able to spend time with the love of my life. Even my poor puppy is feeling a little neglected lately because I am just never home. My grades are also starting to suffer from my lack of study time. It's like I am being strangled or suffocated. I know this wont last forever, but it sure is tough right now. I just keep praying to god for his strength and endurance to get me through this. I am thankful that my love understands my situation too.

I just can't wait until we are finally married. At least then I can come home and rest in his big strong arms, sleep next to his warm body, and wake up to the sight of his sweet face.

Some Grumblings

On the subject of auto traffic:

Why is it that I can be driving along, obeying traffic rules, going the speed limit, and somehow I manage to piss somebody off? Coming home from the university the other day, I was in the right lane behind a pickup, traveling along at the speed limit. Some lady in a red car changes lanes from the left lane to the right lane so close to my rear end that she nearly clips me. I sped up a little to avoid the collision (even though it would have been her fault if we wrecked, I had better things to do than waste my time with police and everything), I couldn't speed up much because that pickup was right in front of me. The red car starts tailing me very closely. I can see in my rear view mirror that the lady is flipping me off, shaking her head, and probably (from the movements of her lips) was yelling some kind of profanity. I couldn't imagine what in the world her problem was. I didn't do anything. I didn't even change lanes the whole time I was on the road. I had turned in to the right lane initially and all was clear, then this gal drives up beside me, nearly clips me, and tries to cause trouble. I tapped my brakes just a little bit to warn her that I may need to do so more quickly if the truck in front of me must stop abruptly. But my brake tapping only infuriated her even more. Oh well. If she hits me, she hits me. Nothing I could do about it. I just keep wondering how in the world she was so mad at me to begin with when I did nothing to her.
This sort of thing happens all the time, not just with me, but I have seen it happen to other people on the road too. People just minding their own business, following traffic laws and speed limits, and all of a sudden, some road-raged-oholic get pissed and tries to start trouble. It's like those idiots are thinking "How dare you obey traffic laws, how dare you follow the speed limit." You know "How dare anyone be a good law-abiding citizen! I hate you and I am going to prove it by flipping you off...see there is my finger, and then I'm going to shout all kinds of nasty things about you that you can't even hear....see my lips are moving angrily."

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Ok, change of subject, but beware, more venting will occur.

I have noticed now that a lady with any morals at all, any faith, any respect for her own body has no place in this world. I am so tired of being treated as a worthless human being for not being a woman who "puts out". I am engaged, yet still I have not had sex. My love and I will make love for the first time on our wedding night. And I refuse to even allow any other man even entertain the thought that I might be available for sex with them. As a result, I must suffer the sneers, the remarks, the rude gestures. Outwardly I am repulsed, which seems to only make things worse. I will stick close to my God and my love and they are all I will ever need.

Dreaming on Sunshine

Walking around campus today I noticed how today was just like any other day for the past few months. It is cold and cloudy. The air is dry and the path is slick with ice or water that has only too recently melted enough to make a slush underfoot. 'Oh God' I silently prayed, 'Long have we been in such a dark and damp winter. Oh that we could have some sunshine and warmth like the days of summertime.' My bones shiver beneath my flesh to generate some of their own heat as my coat did not seem to be doing its job efficiently enough. My legs became as mushy as the slush on the ground with each step toward my classroom. I could not wait to get inside the building so that I could stay warm and read my book, which is one of the Ender Series by Orson Scott Card. Fully numb from my ears to my toes it was a relief to finally walk in and close the doors behind me. Ah and the wonderful smell of the coffee shop downstairs was a temptation almost more than I could bare. Too bad I am trying so hard to watch my calories. I would have a latte every day if I could. But I am getting married next year and I don't want to be a blob in a white dress.

After the class was over, I rushed out of the room and opened my cell phone. I can never wait to hold a conversation with the Love of my Life, my Stephen. He is so good to me, he respects me and loves me for who I am, not expecting me to be something else for him. In my eyes, he is handsome. Now I realize that he does not have the look that will swoon just any woman, God made him specially attractive to me. One look in those gorgeous deep green eyes and I instantly belonged to him. Since then he has taken my heart and so delicately placed it next to his own. We have been engaged for over a year now, and have one more year before the big day. I waited my whole life for him, what is another year? Actually, it seems to be taking forever, but that is because I truly desire for the day to come that I will forever truly belong to him. Another thing too, we have not made love to each other, and will not do so until our wedding night. Now is that true devotion or what? What did I do to deserve such faithful undying love?